We are so used to giving preference to the needs of others over our own, and when we come to say ‘no’ to some request, we feel guilty. Do you identify with this?
The importance of set boundaries

It has happened to all of us that, in certain circumstances, we prioritize the needs of other people above our own, and when it is not possible to do so, we feel guilty, hence the importance of setting limits.This means expressing to others what we want and what we don’t want. This does not mean that we will forget about their needs and desires. In doing so, we feel guilty, hence the importance of setting limits.

In general, we create or provoke conflictive relationships for the simple fact of thinking differently from another person. Having a different opinion or not agreeing with someone is not the same as disrespect, just as respect does not mean sharing or thinking the same. One can differ and respect at the same time, as well as share and respect. Here it is not about seeing who is right, but about creating a third map that works for both sides.

We don’t consider this, and that is when conflicts arise. By wanting to show someone that you are right, you are entering into conflict, and conflict is an endless war. Let us remember that opposites live within us. If we begin to accept it within ourselves, we will be able to accept it in other people. Opposites are necessary for inner balance.

Why is it difficult to say no?

There are several reasons why it is difficult for us to set limits, but what would be the main reason why it is difficult to say no? Fear of rejection: I think that saying no to a person can deteriorate the relationship, and maybe that is what makes me want to help. Even if it’s not what I want, because if I say no, I will fill myself with guilt, believing that I’m not a good friend, or that I’m selfish, or that I’m a bad person.

It is not about being selfish or putting myself above or below others, but rather establishing a balance. Of course, I am not a bad person for prioritizing my own interests. It is not our place to be responsible for the activities of other people or for what they are supposed to do.

Learning how to set boundaries in certain situations guarantees peace and mental balance.

Building Assertiveness

Today, betting on assertiveness is a key to survival. This helps me improve my ability to communicate with other people. In this way, we would learn to set limits in a society where we have the right to think differently because what matters is knowing how to respect each other. Some people feel that their self-esteem is very low and believe that they don’t have the right to protect and express their ideas, wishes, or needs.

Your values, time, activities, etc. should not be altered by others, unless it is your decision. Be clear about what you want to tolerate or not. We are not prepared to live with people who have very clear priorities. This is one of the reasons why we need to start setting boundaries.

Learning to set boundaries

Learning to set boundaries allows us to take charge of our lives, emotions, thoughts, and decisions. This distinguishes us from others, and we perceive ourselves as self-sufficient people, which is a point in favor of our self-esteem and, above all, of our self-knowledge, since setting limits requires a good knowledge of oneself and one’s own needs.

Being aware of it allows us to respect ourselves more and, thus, others will respect us based on the limits that you establish. As I said, self-esteem would benefit because by giving yourself the place you need, you will feel better, and will help you lose the fear of being who you are. You will feel free to express your needs no matter how others take them, without feeling guilty for not doing what others expect you to do.In this way, you will be able to show others how you want them to communicate with you.

By respecting your limits and those of others, relationships will take place in a healthy and balanced way.

If you want to say NO, say it.

So when you want to say NO, say it. But remember that the key is to respond assertively.  Don’t expect the approval of others. It is good to listen to the advice of our loved ones, but it doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say. Make your own decisions. And finally, it is worth seeking professional support to find the reason why you are having a hard time setting limits. Many times, it can be a self-esteem problem.

You have to learn to respect yourself. Others will understand that even if you are willing to help them, it is not an obligation, and this will teach them to respect you and your time.  Others treat us as we allow them. No one will disrespect you unless you allow it, and if this happens, it is because you have not yet set your limits.

Freedom consists in recognizing limits – J. Krishnamurti

 

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