Everything that exists on this physical plane has a cycle and a decline. If life is cyclical, then why does the death of a loved one hurt so much?
A story

More than 2500 years ago, when Buddha was in this world, a young woman lost her little son, and she was very affected and very depressed. She no longer wanted to live. So she went looking for Buddha to ask him for help.  Buddha said: “Yes, I can help you, but for me to do it, I need you to go and ask house to house for a grain of mustard and bring it to me, but for the mustard to serve, you have to ask in those houses if someone has died. If someone has died, then it is useless.”

This woman left enthusiastically hoping that Buddha was going to help her. She went from house to house asking for a grain of mustard, and everyone offered it to her, but when she asked if someone had died, there was indeed someone who had died. So she returned empty-handed to where the Buddha was.

Buddha wanted to show the woman that she felt alone and unique in her sorrow, that it was not exclusive to her but that many people had lost someone, that she was not alone and that this was part of reality. Reality is governed by impermanence, nothing lasts forever. Buddha gave her a lesson: “If you want to know the truth about life and death, you must continuously reflect on this: in the Universe, there is one law that never changes: that everything changes, and nothing is permanent”.

After that lesson, the woman was able to come out of her depression little by little when she realized that her situation was shared and that there were many people who experienced situations even worse than hers.  They all have very deep problems and pains, and many of their cases are much worse than the ones I have.

This story shows us something that we can see over and over again: a close encounter with death can produce a true awakening, a transformation in our entire attitude towards life.

We all have an expiration date

We all have an expiration date, but we don’t think about that. When we have this in mind, we give more sense to everything we make, and every moment we live is unique and very beautiful. Each action is a true jewel, and we should be thankful for them. Even for the things we don’t like.

The end of all history for any sentient being is death. Do you want to waste time getting angry, causing harm, complaining, not forgiving, letting your greed win you over? Wouldn’t it be better to transcend, leaving the memory of a gentle and compassionate being behind?

Suffering caused by the fear we have of dying lasts a lifetime.

If we have never prepared in advance for the moment of losing a loved one, it will be very difficult for us to reduce the attachment we have towards that person. It is necessary to prepare with time, and the way to do it is to understand and agree with the impermanence of all phenomena and all things since it is very beneficial for our lives.

We are alive. Being alive means our body and our mind are working together. There is a connection. Our body supports our mind and consciousness, they work together, but when this connection begins to break, it is when we are about to transcend. When it breaks completely, it means we have already passed away.

Why is this connection ending? There are many reasons. For example, if we suffer an accident or our body is in a fragile and delicate state, there comes a time when it can no longer support our consciousness. Not necessarily because the body is sick, but as time goes by, it loses energy, and there comes a time when that energy is no longer enough to support our consciousness.

We know that one of the causes of suffering is the attachment that we develop throughout our lives, whether with people, situations, or material things. We consider all this as if it were permanent, but there comes a time when they are no longer there, and that is when suffering comes.  If we meditate on impermanence, and we begin to think and realize that things are not forever, that attachment will be less, and I will be clear that everything and everyone is impermanent, which will help me reduce anxiety and all that mental suffering will be less.

Only temporary things die.

We are our body, soul, and spirit. What remains on this physical plane is the body, because it is the mortal part of the human being. What we really are, soul and spirit, continues its evolutionary process. What we essentially are does not die. Our own truth. Only temporary things die.

Faced with the death of a loved one, it can take months or years to accept their physical departure, even though we know that it is the normal process of life.It is not death that is sad and painful, it is your refusal to accept it as a normal process of life. The only thing that happens is that we temporarily stop seeing our loved ones on this physical plane because it is up to them to return to the divine source. It is up to us to learn to live without them. This helps us to remember our essence, who we are.

Everything has a reason to be.

Why do I say this? Because the pain is so great, we begin to look for answers to all the questions, trying to find consolation. Suffering makes me understand the pain of the world. My heart will open to love, and I will understand the pain itself.

Consciousness when looking for answers expands, and that is where you begin to feel comfort and calm, because you begin to put the pieces in the puzzle and, little by little, you begin to see the reason why you had to go through that moment. Everything has a reason to be.

Pain softens the layers of fear within which we are. Our expectations are based on feeling safe and wanting to have control of everything that happens in our lives, but the pain goes against that. Pain helps us raise our frequency.

Acceptance is the first step.

I understand that life is impermanent and part of my lesson on this physical plane is to learn to flow with change in the midst of all the emotions that are uncovered by the loss of a loved one. Acceptance of everything that happens in this life is the first step.

Acceptance is the key that opens the exit door to any difficult situation that we are going through, and from acceptance we can face the causes of suffering and be able to take the next step. So I know how much love I can face the guilt or regret of what we did or did not say to our loved ones.

When we truly understand that we are all going to die, although we do not know when it will serve as a stimulus to dedicate ourselves to what matters. This awareness of death produces an incredible change within us, making it impossible for us to fall into depression.

“Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.” – Buddha

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