Love is undoubtedly the most powerful force in the world, but many times we confuse it with attachment.

The idea of love changes according to culture and personal experience. For example, love in the West requires the presence of another person, their reciprocity, and belonging, while love in the East is a pure feeling that is given to another selflessly.

It is very important to realize that most of the time we confuse love with attachment. The difference is that true love is completely selfless and really wants the other person to be happy, and through that, we achieve our own happiness.

Genuine Love

True love does not seek to control, does not seek to judge and has no expectations regarding anything. Instead, attachment, which is a mental thing, apparently manifests itself just like genuine love, but there will always be something hidden there that has some advantage or benefit. For me, attachment seeks happiness and well-being, but I always want to control the situation for my own satisfaction.

For example, when we send a text message to someone, I’m waiting for them to reply. If they don’t, what happens? It generates anguish, jealousy, anger since any detail that arises can alter me, managing to move away from my own happiness because one of the characteristics that attachment manifests is a very high sensitivity, and this would be a factor that would be presenting itself because I expect something and if I don’t receive it or if I receive something different than what I expected, I will suffer a disappointment.

Let’s think: what would be, in this situation, our real motivation to receive that text message? What was I really waiting for there?

Attachment

When Buddha was once asked the difference between “I like you” and “I love you,” the Buddha replied, “When you like a flower, you just pluck it.” But when you love a flower, you take care of it and water it daily.

Now, about this teaching: imagine the most beautiful flower you have ever seen, and we are going to appreciate the beauty of that flower from love and from attachment; from true love, one does not seek to control the flower, but wishes that flower lived as much as possible to continue contemplating it, I would let it continue to grow in his garden, I would water it, I would take care of it.

But from attachment, if you seek to control the flower, so I would say, “I want that flower,” and I would go and pluck it and take it home because that generates my own well-being.

In Buddhist philosophy, true love means feeling infinite and immeasurable love for absolutely everything and everyone, even those who consider themselves enemies.

Buddhists believe that love is freedom and an infinite force that, the more you work it, the more it expands, managing to offer happiness and well-being, accepting without wanting to change anything and without having any interest.

The constant search to understand the other and put oneself in their shoes, to have that ability to feel compassion for every living being on this planet, from a mosquito to street dogs, those who suffer from abuse, the mere fact of seeing defenseless animals that they are victims of cruelty, or when a person mistreats another for being ignorant of the truth, generates love and compassion in us.

A good exercise that we should do daily is to start wishing for others to be free from suffering, to start wishing for pure good things such as good health, prosperity, happiness, peace, tranquility, etc., even wishing for ourselves. If we start to practice it daily, our hearts would open towards genuine and selfless love and, of course, we would raise our vibration.

Freeing oneself from attachment is a difficult but not impossible job, because attachment has no form, it is a mental issue.

The problem is that we think something will last forever and that is why attachment arises. If we manage to reduce our negative emotions, develop compassion, realize that we cannot control others or situations outside of us, but if we can work with what happens within ourselves, connect with our own reality, and understand that everything is impermanent and constantly changing, that is why it does not have It makes sense to stick to something that later will no longer exist or will be different, like every moment we live in life.

If we develop that genuine love, we can likely extend it to all sentient beings on this planet and, of course, to ourselves.The love that makes you suffer is not true love.

True love fills the hearts of the beings involved with joy and happiness. You must love in such a way that the other person feels free. This freedom in love, says Buddha, is born of the connection, to understand that we are one and the same applies to the couple.

How to know if you are attached to something or someone?
Because the moment you lose it, you despair, you feel anxiety and suffering, and from that point of view or situation, it is absurd to want to retain a person because that fact is doomed to failure and pain. Loving without attachment is the purest and freest love that every human being deserves to feel.
Detachment is not to stop loving; it is to love without fear and with freedom. If we let go of fear and control, what remains is our true essence, our true nature, what we really are: LOVE.
“In true love, you attain freedom.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh,

 

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